Blog Archives

Happy Beerthday, Papa!

don.re.papa.beer

Don’s 5-year-old daughter made this birthday card for her papa.

It really captures everything a papa could hope for on his birthday.

Family? Check.

Bar? Check.

Laughter? Check.

Hamburger? Check.

Attentive wait staff? Check.

Music? Check.

Good beer? Check.

Happy birthday, indeed.

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On behalf of SKW’s followers, a toast to Don, his daughter, and Papa! With good beer, of course. (Are there bad beers?)

Thanks for sharing, Don!

(You can check out Don’s thoughts on his daughter’s beerthday masterpiece at his blog, Don of All Trades.

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Mom, You’re Cooler than Squashed Possum!

kristen.roadkill

Kristen’s 9-year-old composed this ode to her awesomeness for Mother’s Day.

We can only imagine how teary-eyed Kristen was after reading it.

Teary-eyed from laughter, possibly, but teary-eyed nonetheless.

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Thanks to Kristen for putting her modesty aside and sharing with the readers of SKW how she puts roadkill to shame. Check out her blog here. (SPOILER ALERT: No roadkill.)

You should share some funny kids’ writing with us, too! End-of-school time is a great opportunity to discover a treasure in a child’s backpack. (SPOILER ALERT: There may be roadkill.)

Email an image of the piece to either leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com or mcfadden.chase@gmail.com. Or to both if you’re feeling ambitious.

That’s a Hell of a City!

erica.sexguncity

Six-year-old Connor wrote about his family’s trip to Six Gun City in his “What I Did This Summer” journal.

Judging by that waterslide, it looks like a really fun place.

Who knows? Sex Gun City might be fun, too.

No word on what the waterslides are like there.

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Thanks to Erica, Connor’s mom, for sharing his summer memory. Check out her blog here.

Please share your image of a funny piece of children’s writing by submitting to mcfadden.chase@gmail.com or leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com.

If you do, we’ll let you go down that slide.

Or give you a ticket to Sex Gun City.

Whichever you prefer.

Pizza Don’t Have No Flees

Written by SC, age 7.

Nolan Notes: Checking the Plumbing, Punitive Smoothies, and, Surprise! An Annoying Brother

Welcome to a sampling of sentences written by Nolan, my 7-year-old son. He’s in second grade this year, and part of his daily class routine is to compose a one-sentence response to a writing prompt in his student planner.

As you can imagine, there’s some good stuff in there.

He was also an astronaut and once dated Madonna

For the record, I have never worked as  a plumber, assisted a plumber, or played a plumber on television. I don’t even have an ass crack. I can only assume that Nolan came to this conclusion after watching me walk in to the bathroom on numerous occasions armed with a plunger, a Sports Illustrated, a sandwich, and a box of matches.

Smooth move, Mom and Dad

Gee, I wonder who didn’t get a smoothie because he wouldn’t eat his stew? Freakin’ moms and dads and their b.s. food consumption rules!

There’s a 99.99999% chance Reed is a sibling

What Nolan’s 5-year-old brother did to deserve this mini rant is unknown. Possibly Reed was snoring. Perhaps there was a fight between the two.

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s simply the fact that he exists.

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We need more stuff kids wrote!

Rummage through backpacks (don’t limit yourself to only your child’s), flip through notebooks,  take a pic of that bulletin board at school, ask your kids’ teachers for funny samples they have (names will be omitted)!

Then submit to stuffkidswrite@gmail.com.

Thanks!

Fighting: An Ageless Poem

Six-year-old E.R. wrote this poem as part of a school project:

Fighting

It’s my turn on the slide.

My sister fights with me.

I get somewhere first.

My sister fights with me.

I climb up the slide.

My sister fights with me.

I climb up the ladder.

My sister fights with me.

The end.

E.R.’s mom Elizabeth, who blogs at Confessions of a Mediocre Mom, submitted this piece along with this commentary:

I am an only child, and everyone tells me this is completely normal sibling stuff. I still can’t help but think that if her only inspiration is the animosity in her home life, perhaps I should put that college fund on hold and start saving for therapy instead.

We say keep the college fund going, Elizabeth, because anyone with a sibling or who has more than one child will agree:

    • Poems such as this are perfectly normal.

    • Poems such as this could have a hundred verses.

    • Poems such as this could fill a thousand volumes.

    • Poems such as this were undoubtedly etched into the walls of caves during prehistoric times.

    • Poems such as this will be written a thousand years from now on whatever people write on at that time.

Siblings. Fighting. Yes.

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So, any memorable “fighting” episodes wtih a sibling that you’re willing to share in the comments section below? How about your own kids? What do they fight about? (It may be quicker to discuss what they don’t fight about.)

Ding! Ding! Let’s drop the gloves and talk sibling scraps!

It’s Chuck Norris’s Fault

This past spring, when I. H. was in Year 2* at school, she wrote a story in her journal.

She is clearly attuned to pop culture and Chuck Norris facts, as you can see by this:

"The driver crashed into the house because Chuck Norris pushed him."

This is a brilliant illustration of cause and effect.

And I’m not surprised that Chuck Norris did that.

To read more of I.H.’s adventures, check out her mom Kirsty’s blog, Tantrums and Tears.

What has Chuck Norris made you do?

*Year 2 is the British equivalent of first grade.

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Marriage Proposals: The Check Box System

It’s the question that will bring even the most confident man to his knees.

Will you marry me?

Jack knows.

He agonized over how to pop the question for days.

Should he ask her in person?

Should he express himself in writing?

Should he have someone else ask her for him?

To quote his mother, “It literally kept him up for days.”

Finally, six-year-old Jack opted to write his intended a note. But even the written word didn’t calm his nerves.

Would she misunderstand the check mark boxes?

I don’t know what Megan said, but I do know that a six-year-old with that kind of printing is a keeper. Jack’s penmanship nearly guarantees that he will become a man who takes out the garbage and puts his socks in the laundry without being asked.

To read more about Jack’s antics, go to his mom’s blog, Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says.

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Has your child, niece, or nephew done any comedic writing? If so, consider sending it to us at stuffkidswrite(at)gmail(dot)com.

Mom Is Not Your Boss

Last month, Tamara and her husband decided to go against their bacon-loving ways and forgo meat. For a month. They have five kids who were also subjected to their 30 Days to Beat the Meat challenge .

Their third child, at age 7, decided to write a persuasive note to her dad.

She wrote:


Nothing like a daughter who can recognize her father’s duress.

But for those of you who may think a husband does not need to answer to his wife, I refer you to My Big Fat Greek Wedding, an opus on relationships.

Now please go to Tamara’s blog, Tamara Out Loud. She is a fab woman and a fab writer who blogs about sex and faith and pole dancing, not always at the same time, but sometimes.

Playing the Guilt Card

This morning, I found this note behind a dresser. I’m not sure when it was written or under what circumstances, but it pretty much cuts to the chase:

Ouch.

I’m about 82% positive my wife didn’t actually say “I don’t love you” to our 7-year-old son. He came to that conclusion after-the-fact based on some sort of traumatic interaction or event involving his mom. Three possible scenarios:

  1. A remnant of crust remained on a butter-and-jelly sandwich she had prepared for him.
  2. At bedtime, she laid in bed with his brother for 15 seconds longer than she did with him.
  3. She suggested that Yoda’s lightsaber skills are overrated.

Oh no she didn’t!

No, she probably didn’t.

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If your children have ever played the guilt card on you, or you have any other funny writing they or other kids have composed, please share it with us by sending to stuffkidswrite (at) gmail (dot) com!