Blog Archives

It’s Chuck Norris’s Fault

This past spring, when I. H. was in Year 2* at school, she wrote a story in her journal.

She is clearly attuned to pop culture and Chuck Norris facts, as you can see by this:

"The driver crashed into the house because Chuck Norris pushed him."

This is a brilliant illustration of cause and effect.

And I’m not surprised that Chuck Norris did that.

To read more of I.H.’s adventures, check out her mom Kirsty’s blog, Tantrums and Tears.

What has Chuck Norris made you do?

*Year 2 is the British equivalent of first grade.

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Marriage Proposals: The Check Box System

It’s the question that will bring even the most confident man to his knees.

Will you marry me?

Jack knows.

He agonized over how to pop the question for days.

Should he ask her in person?

Should he express himself in writing?

Should he have someone else ask her for him?

To quote his mother, “It literally kept him up for days.”

Finally, six-year-old Jack opted to write his intended a note. But even the written word didn’t calm his nerves.

Would she misunderstand the check mark boxes?

I don’t know what Megan said, but I do know that a six-year-old with that kind of printing is a keeper. Jack’s penmanship nearly guarantees that he will become a man who takes out the garbage and puts his socks in the laundry without being asked.

To read more about Jack’s antics, go to his mom’s blog, Sh*t My 6-Year-Old Says.

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Has your child, niece, or nephew done any comedic writing? If so, consider sending it to us at stuffkidswrite(at)gmail(dot)com.

How To Get Your Children To Write

As an English teacher and writer (yes, they’re sometimes mutually exclusive), parents frequently ask me how they can get their children to write outside of school.

I now have a new answer.

Threaten to take them to the dentist.

That’s what Joy Bennett did.

And this is how her five-year-old (S.) responded.

"No dentist no no no"

The primary purpose of writing is to communicate.

The most important tenet of writing is clarity.

I’d say S. nailed them both.

And I’m with him. I went to the dentist this morning. And in six months, I will echo S and say: no dentist no no no.

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Joy Bennett blogs at Joy In This Journey and is a contributing writer at Deeper Story.

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Any dentist stories out there?

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Has your child, niece, or nephew done any comedic writing? If so, consider sending it to us at stuffkidswrite(at)gmail(dot)com.

Mom Is Not Your Boss

Last month, Tamara and her husband decided to go against their bacon-loving ways and forgo meat. For a month. They have five kids who were also subjected to their 30 Days to Beat the Meat challenge .

Their third child, at age 7, decided to write a persuasive note to her dad.

She wrote:


Nothing like a daughter who can recognize her father’s duress.

But for those of you who may think a husband does not need to answer to his wife, I refer you to My Big Fat Greek Wedding, an opus on relationships.

Now please go to Tamara’s blog, Tamara Out Loud. She is a fab woman and a fab writer who blogs about sex and faith and pole dancing, not always at the same time, but sometimes.

Playing the Guilt Card

This morning, I found this note behind a dresser. I’m not sure when it was written or under what circumstances, but it pretty much cuts to the chase:

Ouch.

I’m about 82% positive my wife didn’t actually say “I don’t love you” to our 7-year-old son. He came to that conclusion after-the-fact based on some sort of traumatic interaction or event involving his mom. Three possible scenarios:

  1. A remnant of crust remained on a butter-and-jelly sandwich she had prepared for him.
  2. At bedtime, she laid in bed with his brother for 15 seconds longer than she did with him.
  3. She suggested that Yoda’s lightsaber skills are overrated.

Oh no she didn’t!

No, she probably didn’t.

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If your children have ever played the guilt card on you, or you have any other funny writing they or other kids have composed, please share it with us by sending to stuffkidswrite (at) gmail (dot) com!

Where Bacon Comes From

Sure, you love bacon, but do you know where it actually comes from?

Read Nicholas’s book, “All About Pigs,” and you’ll find out.

Besides being a terrific writer, Nicholas is also an outstanding illustrator, and you’ll see that he understands the value of a powerful, well-placed image to provide clarity for the reader.

This is about as clear as it gets.

*****

Thanks to Nicholas and his mom Katie for sharing this “enlightening” kindergarten masterpiece with us.

And as school starts back up, please be on the lookout for funny stuff (intentional or otherwise) that kids write and send it to us at stuffkidswrite(at)gmail(dot)com.

Oedipus Wrecks

I’m pretty sure my son could be featured in every chapter of a Psychology 101 textbook.

Oedipus Complex? You bet. Check out how William engraved his name on the wall above his mommy’s side of the bed. Medium: Pencil on Paint.

Psychological Ownership? Yup. See how he carved his name into our desktop monitor. This is two years after the fact. It doesn’t come off. Medium: Etching on Liquid Crystal.

Mob Behavior? Yes. If you’ve read this blog for a while, you know that William (and his twin sister) used gravel to carve their names into the side of our minivan. Medium: Rock on Paint.

Stuff Kids Write

Juvenile Delinquency? Maybe. William wrote his name on my parents’ RV. Medium: Finger on Dust.

I wonder what happened to using tree trunks, the walls of public washrooms, and school desks to make your mark.

Where have you carved (or would like to carve) your name? Medium?

Will the Real Slame Shady (Leperchaun) Please Stand Up?

DISCLAIMER: All characters appearing in this work by 8-year-old WP are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, particularly a Grammy Award-winning artist, his feline companion, or the caricature from Lucky Charms cereal, is purely coincidental.

How I Got Kidnapped by Minim

Hi my name is slame shady leperchuan. And this is my story about how I got kidnapped by a rapper. Hope you enjoy!

Once opon a time there was a leperchaun named slame shady leperchaun. I met a rapper named minim. For some reason he kidnapped me. And you know what he made me do? He made me sing his latest hit! And after that he let me go. And you know what happened? His cat ate me whole! Yep! I told this whole story from a cat’s belly. The End.

(Ps. The cat ate my left hand.)

*****

Thanks to Jamie for submitting this awesome, imaginative story from her son. It’s the cat’s meow.

Please go check out Jamie’s blog at All Things Fnkybee and follow her on Twitter at  @Fnkybee.

To the best of our knowledge, she does not write from the belly of a cat.

My Summer Plans? Play Star Wars, Swim, Maybe Kick Some But

Any kid will tell you: summer goes fast.

Too fast. In June it seems summer will be endless. Long, lazy days without an agenda. You get up when you want, meander around, fiddle with this, faddle with that, no rush, no worries, thinking to yourself, “I’ve got all summer.”

Then all of a sudden August is breathing down your neck. You get a little panicky and realize you’d better revisit your summer game plan and prioritize what you’re going to do with the precious time you have left.

Maybe you even write an affirmation statement to remind yourself.

Last week I walked downstairs and found this on the couch. I guessed it was the 7-year-old’s handiwork, judging by the fact that he’d signed his name to it twice.

Good to know that in addition to playing Star Wars, jumping on the tramp, and riding his bike, he’s going to squeeze in some time to put a beatdown on his 4-year-old sister before summer gets away from him.

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Before summer gets away from you, submit something funny that a kid wrote to Stuff Kids Write! Just email an image of the writing, an explanation (if necessary), the child’s name (or initials) and age to stuffkidswrite (at) gmail (dot) com.

Bunny Masks, George Orwell, and Summer Camp

This is the phone conversation I had with my older brother last night regarding his middle daughter, Alice (age 8), and a number of other topics.

“I have something for you for that things-kids-write blog,” my brother says.

“You mean, Stuff Kids Write?” I ask. “What do you have?”

“Alice was at Sci Fi camp and needed her rabbit mask, so she wrote a note.”

My brain is processing too many things at once. I focus on his first five words. “Sci Fi camp? Like Science Fiction?”

My brother laughs. “No, Sci-Fi as in Science First.”

“Oh,” I say, “I thought she might be writing some Asimov or dressing up as her favourite Star Trek character.”

“You know,” my brother says, “I knew a guy who went to George Orwell Camp in 1984.”

George Orwell Camp, 1984

“You’re serious?” I’m only slightly weirded out by the fact I’m talking to my big brother.

“Ya, and my friend said that’s where he met the the first girl he ever made out with.”

I laugh. I’m pretty sure I’m spitting into the receiver.

“He’s from Wisconsin,” my brother adds. “But I think the camp was in Iowa.” This is not providing the clarity I need.

“Wow,” I say. Conversations between my brother and me are an exercise in Non-Sequiturs. I circle back to the original point. “About that Sci-Fi camp. Why did Alice need a rabbit mask?”

He says, “Each day is a different dress up day. It’s really smart. You can have kids bang rocks together all day and if they get to dress up, they think it’s fun.”

Can’t argue with logic like that.

“Alice needed her rabbit mask,” he explains. “So she put a note on the fridge to remind everyone. She even drew a picture.”

“But they weren’t dissecting bunnies?” Images of rabbit stew a la Fatal Attraction play through my mind.

“No,” he says, “just banging rocks together and dressing like animals.”

We cover 25 more topics in 3 minutes.

But no more bunnies or 1984…

Photo credit: Pawpaw67 (cc)