Category Archives: Miscellaneous

Don’t Lick the Minivan (or Scratch Words on It with Rocks)

DLM Front Cover OnlyLeanne Shirtliffe (aka “Ironic Mom“) — the far-better and far-more-female half of Stuff Kids Write — has published a book!

Please check out her humorous parenting memoir titled Don’t Lick the Minivan by either clicking here or on the book’s cover you see to your left (no, your other left). Then buy it.

If you’re a parent, you’ll laugh and nod knowingly as you read Leanne’s honest, hilarious description of life with her twins (not those twins: her kids). If you’re not a parent, the book is a reasonably-priced form of birth control. Either way, it’s a win for you!

Following is a post from Leanne which first appeared on Stuff Kids Write in May 2011. It’s funny in a cringe-worthy sort of way and gives you a pretty good idea of what you can expect from Don’t Like the Minivan.

Soccer night. Two kids on two different teams playing at two different fields. I have enough equipment to load down a trio of Sherpas. My husband is at a meeting and, as usual, I’m barely coping in my attempt to get everything and everyone out the door. I send Vivian and William outside while I gather the last of the gear, which includes my mitts and sunglasses (nothing says soccer season in Canada like contrasting accessories).

The door slams behind me. I notice Vivian and William collecting rocks on the side of our driveway.

I load the last of the stuff and walk around to open William’s side of the van.

I see this writing:

Stuff Kids Write

"William" (with sad face above)

“Did you use a rock to write on the van?” I say. Sometimes you have to ask the obvious.

Vivian looks at me. I can tell she’s stalling. “I’ll just crawl in William’s side,” she says.

“You didn’t write—“ I interrupt myself. “Did you carve things too?”

I walk over to the other side.

I see this.

Stuff Kids Write

"Vivian only" (with scratches on the left, where she was trying to get the rock to work properly)

And this.

Stuff Kids Write

"on behalf of my class" (yes, she's composing dedications)

My kids know by my speechlessness that they’ve done wrong.

I rub my index finger across one of the gorges. “This won’t come off,” I say. “Ever.”

I hear choruses of “I’m sorry” and “We didn’t know.”

And I think: Freaking stuff kids write.

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Don’t Mix Colors (or Words)

honest.art.eval

Melanie asked her 5th grade students to “be honest” with their assessments.

This artist received an A+ in Not Mixing Words.

The Truth About Crossword Puzzles

Eight-year-old Vivian has spent hours watching her dad do crossword puzzles.

Last week, on day four of being stuck at home with a high fever, she grabbed the puzzle page of the newspaper, did the word search, and wrote on her dad’s beloved puzzle.

What's the point crossword

I wonder what the “down” clue is for that…

~~~

Please share your image of a funny piece of children’s writing by submitting to mcfadden.chase@gmail.com or leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com.

That’s a Hell of a City!

erica.sexguncity

Six-year-old Connor wrote about his family’s trip to Six Gun City in his “What I Did This Summer” journal.

Judging by that waterslide, it looks like a really fun place.

Who knows? Sex Gun City might be fun, too.

No word on what the waterslides are like there.

*****

Thanks to Erica, Connor’s mom, for sharing his summer memory. Check out her blog here.

Please share your image of a funny piece of children’s writing by submitting to mcfadden.chase@gmail.com or leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com.

If you do, we’ll let you go down that slide.

Or give you a ticket to Sex Gun City.

Whichever you prefer.

Gas Games Are Fun

alexis.6yo.pe.gas

Six-year-old Alexis likes PE because her teacher makes up fun games.

Not that gas in PE isn’t fun.

Remember the cool little scooters?

Any game involving those is a perfect fit for flatulence. After all, breaking a bit of wind might provide a slight boost in propulsion, and it makes a pretty terrific sound effect. (Just don’t leave any skidmarks.)

And if you didn’t want to get caught underneath the parachute before, just wait until someone pulls the ripcord on one under there!

Do you think they put that hole in the middle of the fabric for ventilation?

*******

Thanks to Shelley for sharing her daughter’s note with Stuff Kids Write. It’s no stinker, that’s for sure.

Please send us funny samples of kids’ writing you catch wind of.

Email to mcfadden.chase@gmail.com or leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com.

What Teenage Boys Ask Santa For

You’re never too old to write a Dear Santa letter, especially if you need working toilets in your house.

Sixteen-year-old Greyson seems to have it all going on, except for—as previously mentioned—properly working toilets.

Check out Grey’s list yourself.

Thanks to Grey and his awesome mom, Ginger. Please check out Ginger’s own writing at her blog and her Facebook Author Page.

In the comments, please tell us: What would have been on your “Dear Santa” list when you were sixteen?

If a child you know has written any funny Santa lists, please consider sharing them with the audience of StuffKidsWrite. Email us at mcfadden.chase@gmail.com and leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com.

Thank Goodness She Doesn’t Have Mrs. Fluck for First Grade

Shelly’s daughter loves her first grade teacher, so she drew a picture and shared it with her.

Her teacher shared the picture with Shelly.

Shelly shared it with Stuff Kids Write.

Thanks, Shelly.

Thanks, Shelly’s daughter.

Thanks, Shelly’s daughter’s teacher, Mrs. Schmidt.

Sharing truly is the sh*t.

*******

If you’d also like to be the sh*t, share with us! Email your image to mcfadden.chase@gmail.com or leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com. Pieces can be posted with credit or anonymously, and if you have a personal blog/site you’d like us to link to, we will!

(PS – If you happen to be reading this and your name actually is Mrs. Fluck and you’re a first grade teacher, PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! send us just a handful of  what must be the thousands of student papers you’ve collected over the years with your name misspelled. Thanks!)

My Little Pony: The Daddy Collection

How Does One Help With Those?

 

A new school year provides lots of opportunities to spot awesome stuff that kids write!

If you find something humorous hanging on the wall when visiting your children’s schools, snap a pic with your phone and pass it along to us.

And please tell friends and teachers about Stuff Kids Write!

Submissions can be sent to either leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com or mcfadden.chase@gmail.com.

Thanks!

But No Pressure with Dinner, Mom

Six-year-old Jack wrote this while patiently waiting for his mom, Suzy, to make dinner.

Moms are miracle workers, but this still seems a bit unfair.

(You can learn more about Suzy and her family at suzysammons.com)