Category Archives: Miscellaneous
Chrissy found this laying on her husband’s pillow:
When documenting incidents of flatulence in relation to bedding, accurate timestamping is always important.
William is reading The Battle of Riptide, the second book in the Shark Wars series.
His teacher requires him to complete a reading log question after he finishes his daily home reading.
Yesterday’s question asked this:
Because a shark on land is a dead shark. That’s why.
It’s probably safe to assume that Uncle Jeff has a hairy chest and arms, as well.
Thanks to Jessica for sharing her 7-year-old’s astute, concise observations detailing the only real meaningful difference between males and females.
Speaking of being observant, this is a great time of year to discover some hidden gems in your children’s backpacks as you
decontaminate and disinfect clean them out. Please consider submitting these treasures to Stuff Kids Write! (No, we’re not referring to the rock-hard, half-eaten cheese sticks; we mean the humorous school assignments.)
And have a terrific Father’s Day, all you hairy beasts out there! Just don’t go shedding all over everybody!
Michael over at Dadicus Grinch shared this daily “To Do” list that his 7-year-old son Hayden brought home from school one day.
Michael asked if the teacher had assigned Hayden and his classmates the job of making a list: “No, a few of us just wanted to make them.”
You’ll find that Hayden’s list is incredibly thorough (and hilarious).
A couple of annotations, courtesy of Michael:
4. “Special” is the term for a rotating class: Art, Gym, Music…
14. “Pink” is what we call their fluoride rinse. So glad that I put the fear of the dentist in them — can you tell?
17. “Jump and do armpit farts” The boy is lucky he hasn’t cracked any ribs he’s been doing so many damn armpit farts.
In honor of 7-year-olds everywhere, we at Stuff Kids Write invite to join us in completing Hayden’s list today.
Just don’t crack any ribs.
Don’s 5-year-old daughter made this birthday card for her papa.
It really captures everything a papa could hope for on his birthday.
Attentive wait staff? Check.
Good beer? Check.
Happy birthday, indeed.
On behalf of SKW’s followers, a toast to Don, his daughter, and Papa! With good beer, of course. (Are there bad beers?)
Thanks for sharing, Don!
(You can check out Don’s thoughts on his daughter’s beerthday masterpiece at his blog, Don of All Trades.
Jessica submitted this piece from one of her students. In her words:
“I give my students a survey to complete at the end of the year. I use the information when I write my final report cards. This was from one of my little boys (2nd grade). Jayden was another second grade boy, and for a 7-year-old, he did have a lot of girlfriends!”
Moral of the story?
Being good at math doesn’t necessarily add up to more love from the ladies.
Kristen’s 9-year-old composed this ode to her awesomeness for Mother’s Day.
We can only imagine how teary-eyed Kristen was after reading it.
Teary-eyed from laughter, possibly, but teary-eyed nonetheless.
Thanks to Kristen for putting her modesty aside and sharing with the readers of SKW how she puts roadkill to shame. Check out her blog here. (SPOILER ALERT: No roadkill.)
You should share some funny kids’ writing with us, too! End-of-school time is a great opportunity to discover a treasure in a child’s backpack. (SPOILER ALERT: There may be roadkill.)
Email an image of the piece to either firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com. Or to both if you’re feeling ambitious.
Leanne Shirtliffe (aka “Ironic Mom“) — the far-better and far-more-female half of Stuff Kids Write — has published a book!
Please check out her humorous parenting memoir titled Don’t Lick the Minivan by either clicking here or on the book’s cover you see to your left (no, your other left). Then buy it.
If you’re a parent, you’ll laugh and nod knowingly as you read Leanne’s honest, hilarious description of life with her twins (not those twins: her kids). If you’re not a parent, the book is a reasonably-priced form of birth control. Either way, it’s a win for you!
Following is a post from Leanne which first appeared on Stuff Kids Write in May 2011. It’s funny in a cringe-worthy sort of way and gives you a pretty good idea of what you can expect from Don’t Like the Minivan.
Soccer night. Two kids on two different teams playing at two different fields. I have enough equipment to load down a trio of Sherpas. My husband is at a meeting and, as usual, I’m barely coping in my attempt to get everything and everyone out the door. I send Vivian and William outside while I gather the last of the gear, which includes my mitts and sunglasses (nothing says soccer season in Canada like contrasting accessories).
The door slams behind me. I notice Vivian and William collecting rocks on the side of our driveway.
I load the last of the stuff and walk around to open William’s side of the van.
I see this writing:
“Did you use a rock to write on the van?” I say. Sometimes you have to ask the obvious.
Vivian looks at me. I can tell she’s stalling. “I’ll just crawl in William’s side,” she says.
“You didn’t write—“ I interrupt myself. “Did you carve things too?”
I walk over to the other side.
I see this.
My kids know by my speechlessness that they’ve done wrong.
I rub my index finger across one of the gorges. “This won’t come off,” I say. “Ever.”
I hear choruses of “I’m sorry” and “We didn’t know.”
And I think: Freaking stuff kids write.