Category Archives: For Moms

Thou Shalt Not Steal (or I’ll Tell Mom!)

Sometimes, you just have to take a stand against the tyranny of a sister.

And if that doesn’t work, write a note to your mom telling on her.

Thanks to Megan for sharing this detailed incident report from her son.

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Hos Your But Crack?

Tracey and her daughter were outside playing.

Tracey fell down and landed on her rear end.

Tracey’s daughter thought it was hysterical.

Later, 5-year-old Hannah wrote a note to check on the status of her mom’s posterior.

Thanks for sharing, Tracey. We hope your but crack is doing bater.

When Your 7-year-old Is As Melodramatic As a Teen

I wrote schmaltzy, over-the-top poetry as a teenager. I still have some of it. Vague notions of what it would be like to be loved by a boy, or at least to find one who wasn’t afraid of me, filled my notebook.

Most of this over-emoting passed in Junior High, thankfully. In Senior High, I seemed to hit my stride (almost literally on the basketball court), replacing many of my obsessive thoughts about boys with other obsessions, like my free throw and turnover percentages.

Now, decades later, I think I’ve passed on my early teen propensity for melodrama to my daughter, Vivian, who frequently expresses all of her emotions in writing. Recently, I annoyed my Grade Two cutie once again. I can’t remember what I wouldn’t do for her (perhaps pack her school bag or let her have a third cheese stick). Suffice it to say I was ignoring her request, like many an online parent.

Snubbed, Vivian threw open her craft drawer, yanked out a sheet of paper, and scrawled her thoughts quickly. She then slammed her note on the table beside me and strode away.

I had come face-to-face with a teenager, possibly my younger self.

I closed my computer and read the note below:

As a parent, not only have I become my mother, but I’ve also become my daughter.

Send help, most likely to Vivian, who’s stuck with me.

*

Please help me to interpret Vivian’s usage of “Uh-ta” in the note.  Funny responses are welcome.

Holy Gwockomoly! This Birthday Card is Be. A. Utiful.

A card — particularly the homemade variety — can be a gift in and of itself.

Like this one.

MW, my 7-year-old nephew, composed this handcrafted masterpiece for his mom on her birthday. It’s beyond words.

But here are a few anyway:

1. Sydney is the dog. No mention of MW’s younger brother, but he undoubtedly loves his mama, too.

2. Mother and son both have beautiful eyes. True story. Probably genetic.

3. Correctly spelling “beautiful” — twice — is impressive at any age.

4. My sister-in-law really does make the best gwockomoly.

5. Nothing says “happy birthday” like hearts. And bananas.

*****

Thanks to MW’s dad for sharing this beauty, and now it’s your turn.

It’s letters-to-Santa season! We’ve already received several, and we’d love to share your submission with the readers of Stuff Kids Write, as well.

Remember, ’tis the season of giving, and a laugh is an easy gift to give. Plus it requires no wrapping. So send your submission to stuffkidswrite@gmail.com today!

Playing the Guilt Card

This morning, I found this note behind a dresser. I’m not sure when it was written or under what circumstances, but it pretty much cuts to the chase:

Ouch.

I’m about 82% positive my wife didn’t actually say “I don’t love you” to our 7-year-old son. He came to that conclusion after-the-fact based on some sort of traumatic interaction or event involving his mom. Three possible scenarios:

  1. A remnant of crust remained on a butter-and-jelly sandwich she had prepared for him.
  2. At bedtime, she laid in bed with his brother for 15 seconds longer than she did with him.
  3. She suggested that Yoda’s lightsaber skills are overrated.

Oh no she didn’t!

No, she probably didn’t.

*****

If your children have ever played the guilt card on you, or you have any other funny writing they or other kids have composed, please share it with us by sending to stuffkidswrite (at) gmail (dot) com!

One More Thing: Was Your Mom Annoying?

One day Lori turned on the computer and found her son’s school assignment on the screen. He had written a letter to brothers Tiki and Ronde Barber, professional football players and authors of the children’s book Kickoff!

He had quite a few questions for the Barbers. Had they ever had concussions? How many NFL touchdowns had they scored? Did they play sports other than football when they were kids? Typical inquiries from an excited and curious 5th grader writing to a couple of his sports heroes.

Oh, and one more thing…

Stuff Kids Write staff contacted the Barbers and asked for comment. The brothers’ publicist forwarded this statement:

“Of course she was annoying! She’s a mom!”

*****

Thanks for sharing, Lori. And thanks to everyone one who checked out Stuff Kids Write when it was Freshly Pressed this past week. Thanks especially to all of the new subscribers. We appreciate everyone’s support.

Cheers,

Leanne and Chase