Author Archives: Leanne Shirtliffe

I love you but…

Eight-year-old Vivian keeps a notebook in the backseat of her family’s car.

“For emergencies,” she says.

Evidently she had an emergency last week. While stopped at a red light, she handed her mom this note:

~~~

Send us the funny things your kids (or other people’s kids) write. Email a jpeg image to mcfadden.chase@gmail.com or leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com. Pieces can be posted with credit or anonymously, and if you have a personal blog/site you’d like us to link to, we will.

What Adults Don’t Know About Kids, Gardens, and Poetry

When Chrissy Irwin’s sister was in second grade, she had to keep a journal.

One day Jillian and her classmates had to write poetry.

This is what Jillian wrote:

It seems incredibly insightful.

Long live logic. And kids who are funny in spite of their teachers.

~

Do you have any writing my kids that you’d like to submit?
If so, please email chasemcfadden@gmail.com or leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com.

When Sentences Make You Sad

Eight-year-old Cameron brought his books home from school in June. His dad, Lloyd, found this:

Cameron’s writing has appeared here before. Please check out a touching post, How Our Kids Re-Write Us, and two funny ones, When Kids Try Hot Sauce and Stuipid Gardening.

Follow Lloyd’s intelligent and hilarious musings on Twitter: @LloydRang.

Thank you for your what?

There is never any shortage of adventure in a middle school classroom. Last year I was mistakenly called a slut and jokingly deemed hotter than Megan Fox.

This year, I evidently forgot to teach students that you do not hyphenate one syllable words if you run out of room at the end of a line.

My (cl)ass and I are going to have a stellar vacation, thank you very much.

Sh*t My Un-Birthday Note Says

At one elemantary school, second graders have to write birthday letters to their classmates. If a birthday falls on a weekend or holiday, students celebrate their un-birthday.

Check out this shiny, happy letter:

Personally, I prefer a shiny star …

I’m not sure I want to know where the half-erased “3 Dogs” comment is going …

Burp Poetry

Every parent hopes to read special words written by their children.

Jennifer hoped too.

She found this poem in her son’s notebook.

Ode to onomatopoeia and repetition.

~

Thanks to Jennifer for sharing this note she found in Max’s backpack via Instagram. Max’s writing has been featured here before: Does Elbow Licking Count As Spending Time Wisely? You can read more about Jennifer’s life with Max and his twin sister at NuckingFutsMama.com. And check her out on Twitter: @nuckingfutsmama.

Stuipid Gardening

You gotta love an 8-year-old who reads history.

You gotta love an 8-year-old who brings history to his backyard.

In the words of his dad, Lloyd Rang:

Cameron read that the ancient Romans would insult basil to make it grow better. So, out of love and concern, he put up this (somewhat ironic) sign:

Now excuse me, I’m off to swear at my #$%&ing peonies.

~

Cameron’s writing has appeared here twice before. I can’t help but adore this kid even though I’ve never met him. Please check out a touching post, How Our Kids Re-Write Us, and a hilarious one, When Kids Try Hot Sauce.

Follow Lloyd’s intelligent and hilarious musings on Twitter: @LloydRang.

A Poem for My Sister, circa 1981

When I was ten years old, I decided to write a poem for my sister, Patti, who was six years older than me.

Patti loved playing tennis against the garage door of our giant machine shed and would spend hours doing this instead of playing with her little sister who followed her around when we weren’t doomed to cut acres of grass or pick the evil weed portulaca from our garden for two weeks.

My poem showcases my tennis-loving sister.

It also showcases

  • political incorrectness
  • why I should never be allowed to rhyme
  • my horrific signature.
It does not showcase my adoration of Patti, whose birthday was this past weekend.

Enjoy.

The crossed-out line reads: “Until she thinks of Brad.” I suspect I edited this because I knew Patti would smash a tennis ball at my face if I read it to her.

Happy Birthday, dear sister. Next time, I’ll tell the prostitute/hooker story or the lawn mower joy ride story or how you snuck me into bars when I was 14…and 15…

~

Do you have any funny writing from when you were young?
Please send it to us at StuffKidsWrite(at)gmail(dot).com.

What Toddlers Think of Their Fathers

Last year, when Dylan was three, her nanny asked her questions about her daddy and recorded her answers. With Andy’s permission, we’ve annotated Dylan’s responses.

One thing is for sure: Dylan loves her Daddy.

*

Special thanks to Andy of Our Life in 3D for submitting this. He and Dylan’s Mommy have an entertaining daughter!

*

With both Mother’s and Father’s Day coming up, why not have your child fill in a questionnaire and send us the humorous results? Email us at stuffkidswrite(at)gmail.com.

If You Want To Know What’s Disgusting, Ask a First Grader

When Jayla was six, she wrote a journal entry about what is disgusting–or as she brilliantly called it: uscuseen.

And Jayla is right. The rat is uscuseen. So is the fact that the three females in the picture have nicer handbags than me.

*

Thanks to Jayla’s mom, Veronica, for submitting this treasure from Jayla’s first grade journal. You can see more of Veronica’s gems at Mamma Bird Musings.

*

Now tell us: what do you find uscusseen?