Nolan Notes: Checking the Plumbing, Punitive Smoothies, and, Surprise! An Annoying Brother

Welcome to a sampling of sentences written by Nolan, my 7-year-old son. He’s in second grade this year, and part of his daily class routine is to compose a one-sentence response to a writing prompt in his student planner.

As you can imagine, there’s some good stuff in there.

He was also an astronaut and once dated Madonna

For the record, I have never worked as  a plumber, assisted a plumber, or played a plumber on television. I don’t even have an ass crack. I can only assume that Nolan came to this conclusion after watching me walk in to the bathroom on numerous occasions armed with a plunger, a Sports Illustrated, a sandwich, and a box of matches.

Smooth move, Mom and Dad

Gee, I wonder who didn’t get a smoothie because he wouldn’t eat his stew? Freakin’ moms and dads and their b.s. food consumption rules!

There’s a 99.99999% chance Reed is a sibling

What Nolan’s 5-year-old brother did to deserve this mini rant is unknown. Possibly Reed was snoring. Perhaps there was a fight between the two.

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s simply the fact that he exists.


We need more stuff kids wrote!

Rummage through backpacks (don’t limit yourself to only your child’s), flip through notebooks,  take a pic of that bulletin board at school, ask your kids’ teachers for funny samples they have (names will be omitted)!

Then submit to


Posted on October 13, 2011, in Diaries and Journals, School Assignments and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Oh, and when you’re done fixin’ those pipes, Assman, make that kid a smoothie. Sheesh. 😉

    Love it!

  2. I wish I had been a plumber because then I might have some sort of tanigible, useful skill, as opposed to having an English degree which really only qualifies me to make smoothies.

  3. I don’t know about plummer cracks, either. Just saying.

  4. Well that’s my career out the window

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