Boys, Bathrooms, and School Confessionals

A couple of years ago, my cousin’s son…let’s call him Jared…got into some trouble at school. It started at recess. (Doesn’t everything?). Jared had been climbing on a play structure, then fell and injured his penis. Not surprisingly, he was crying. Jared and a pair of his Grade 2 buddies went to the bathroom. Mischief ensued.

Jared began by examining himself to ensure, well, whatever he needed to ensure. Soon, the other two boys started dancing and singing, while Jared simultaneously continued his inspection and joined in the dance party.

In walked two other Grade 2 boys. They saw (a) Jared, (b) Jared’s penis through the zipper, and (c) three boys laughing.

The two new boys hightailed it out of there and told a teacher. Jared and his buddies were sent to the office.

They had to fill out a version of a student confessional.

Jared’s note has since been lost, but thankfully his mom had typed it verbatim into a word document.

Here is Jared’s confessional (pines = penis):

I’m pretty sure Jared learned some sort of lesson that day. It might be that laughter and dancing make everything better. Or that doing up zippers is a tricky business.


If your child has written something humorous, please consider sending it to us as a jpeg file at stuffkidswrite (at) gmail (dot) com.

About Leanne Shirtliffe

Leanne Shirtliffe is the author of SLOTH TO THE RESCUE, SAVING THUNDER THE GREAT, THE CHANGE YOUR NAME STORE, and NO MORE BEIGE FOOD (2016). She also wrote humor books DON'T LICK THE MINIVAN: Things I Never Thought I'd Say To My Kids and MOMMYFESTO. She and her family live in Calgary, Alberta because they like complaining about the weather.

Posted on July 20, 2011, in School Confessionals and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. That is one funny bathroom confession I have ever heard! Thanks for sharing! Zip it up!

  2. Haha, this gave me a good laugh today. OOoooh kids. lol.

  3. This is hilarious! I only worry that Jared is going to have some sort of complex now.

  4. That’s wild. You never know what is coming at this site, and that’s a fun thing. Reminds me of Something About Mary. “Frank and beans! Frank and beans!”

  5. Awww….poor Jared. I can imagine what his parents think. 😉


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s