When Your 9-Year-Old Watches Shark Week on TV…

…it’s best to avoid him.

Check out the note that adorns his bedroom door:Shark Week SKW

Blah Blah Blah.

Gone.

Who Thinks This is AWESOME?

dr.who.test

I Can’t Understand Why Nobody Came to My Pizza Party

pizza party invitation

Turning Up the Heat (On Dad)

We at SKW hereby officially declare this note from 9-year-old Ryan to his father as the most convincing, guilt-inducing argument for plugging in a fan in the history of pleas to parents from their children for electrically generated air circulation.

chantini.9yo.fan.dad

Man, can those close-to-suffocating, very-nearly-heat-strokin’ first born sons lay on a guilt trip, or what?

Happy Beerthday, Papa!

don.re.papa.beer

Don’s 5-year-old daughter made this birthday card for her papa.

It really captures everything a papa could hope for on his birthday.

Family? Check.

Bar? Check.

Laughter? Check.

Hamburger? Check.

Attentive wait staff? Check.

Music? Check.

Good beer? Check.

Happy birthday, indeed.

******

On behalf of SKW’s followers, a toast to Don, his daughter, and Papa! With good beer, of course. (Are there bad beers?)

Thanks for sharing, Don!

(You can check out Don’s thoughts on his daughter’s beerthday masterpiece at his blog, Don of All Trades.

This Jayden Kid is the Justin Bieber of Second Graders

survey.jayden.gets.girls

Jessica submitted this piece from one of her students. In her words:

“I give my students a survey to complete at the end of the year. I use the information when I write my final report cards. This was from one of my little boys (2nd grade). Jayden was another second grade boy, and for a 7-year-old, he did have a lot of girlfriends!”

Moral of the story?

Being good at math doesn’t necessarily add up to more love from the ladies.

Mom, You’re Cooler than Squashed Possum!

kristen.roadkill

Kristen’s 9-year-old composed this ode to her awesomeness for Mother’s Day.

We can only imagine how teary-eyed Kristen was after reading it.

Teary-eyed from laughter, possibly, but teary-eyed nonetheless.

*****

Thanks to Kristen for putting her modesty aside and sharing with the readers of SKW how she puts roadkill to shame. Check out her blog here. (SPOILER ALERT: No roadkill.)

You should share some funny kids’ writing with us, too! End-of-school time is a great opportunity to discover a treasure in a child’s backpack. (SPOILER ALERT: There may be roadkill.)

Email an image of the piece to either leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com or mcfadden.chase@gmail.com. Or to both if you’re feeling ambitious.

Don’t Lick the Minivan (or Scratch Words on It with Rocks)

DLM Front Cover OnlyLeanne Shirtliffe (aka “Ironic Mom“) — the far-better and far-more-female half of Stuff Kids Write — has published a book!

Please check out her humorous parenting memoir titled Don’t Lick the Minivan by either clicking here or on the book’s cover you see to your left (no, your other left). Then buy it.

If you’re a parent, you’ll laugh and nod knowingly as you read Leanne’s honest, hilarious description of life with her twins (not those twins: her kids). If you’re not a parent, the book is a reasonably-priced form of birth control. Either way, it’s a win for you!

Following is a post from Leanne which first appeared on Stuff Kids Write in May 2011. It’s funny in a cringe-worthy sort of way and gives you a pretty good idea of what you can expect from Don’t Like the Minivan.

Soccer night. Two kids on two different teams playing at two different fields. I have enough equipment to load down a trio of Sherpas. My husband is at a meeting and, as usual, I’m barely coping in my attempt to get everything and everyone out the door. I send Vivian and William outside while I gather the last of the gear, which includes my mitts and sunglasses (nothing says soccer season in Canada like contrasting accessories).

The door slams behind me. I notice Vivian and William collecting rocks on the side of our driveway.

I load the last of the stuff and walk around to open William’s side of the van.

I see this writing:

Stuff Kids Write

"William" (with sad face above)

“Did you use a rock to write on the van?” I say. Sometimes you have to ask the obvious.

Vivian looks at me. I can tell she’s stalling. “I’ll just crawl in William’s side,” she says.

“You didn’t write—“ I interrupt myself. “Did you carve things too?”

I walk over to the other side.

I see this.

Stuff Kids Write

"Vivian only" (with scratches on the left, where she was trying to get the rock to work properly)

And this.

Stuff Kids Write

"on behalf of my class" (yes, she's composing dedications)

My kids know by my speechlessness that they’ve done wrong.

I rub my index finger across one of the gorges. “This won’t come off,” I say. “Ever.”

I hear choruses of “I’m sorry” and “We didn’t know.”

And I think: Freaking stuff kids write.

Guilt and Attention: a seven year old’s arsenal

A long time ago, when Caity was a wee girl of seven, she wrote her mom a note.

Caity, now an adult, recently discovered this relic. “It looks like I threw something and hit one of my siblings, earning a spank from Mom,” she explains. “Then I pulled out all the stops to try to get attention, make her feel guilty, apologize, and use sarcasm. Oh, childhood!”

Sounds like everyday in my house.

 Guilt Letter to Mom Post Spanking

Actual Translation: Mom, you scratched me when you spanked me. I know you hate me, you can tell me that. Anyway, can I call Dad? I have a feeling you’ll say No. Now what am I gonna do? Your stupid daughter, Caity. P.S. Enjoy the rest of the show. P.P.S. I didn’t mean to do that. Because no one knew where it was gonna land!! P.P.P.S. I feel sick. :( XOXOXO….

Metaphorical Translation: Mom, we’re little sh*ts. I won’t be surprised if you open a bottle of wine. I will be surprised if you wait until after dinner.

~~~

Thanks to Caity for the submission. You can find Caity at her blog, Readviews.

~~~

If you have funny writing you did as a child or other amusing stuff kids wrote,
please consider submitting it as a jpg file to mcfadden.chase@gmail.com or leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com.

Don’t Mix Colors (or Words)

honest.art.eval

Melanie asked her 5th grade students to “be honest” with their assessments.

This artist received an A+ in Not Mixing Words.

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