Category Archives: For Moms
Guilt and Attention: a seven year old’s arsenal
A long time ago, when Caity was a wee girl of seven, she wrote her mom a note.
Caity, now an adult, recently discovered this relic. “It looks like I threw something and hit one of my siblings, earning a spank from Mom,” she explains. “Then I pulled out all the stops to try to get attention, make her feel guilty, apologize, and use sarcasm. Oh, childhood!”
Sounds like everyday in my house.
Actual Translation: Mom, you scratched me when you spanked me. I know you hate me, you can tell me that. Anyway, can I call Dad? I have a feeling you’ll say No. Now what am I gonna do? Your stupid daughter, Caity. P.S. Enjoy the rest of the show. P.P.S. I didn’t mean to do that. Because no one knew where it was gonna land!! P.P.P.S. I feel sick. 
XOXOXO….
Metaphorical Translation: Mom, we’re little sh*ts. I won’t be surprised if you open a bottle of wine. I will be surprised if you wait until after dinner.
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Thanks to Caity for the submission. You can find Caity at her blog, Readviews.
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If you have funny writing you did as a child or other amusing stuff kids wrote,
please consider submitting it as a jpg file to mcfadden.chase@gmail.com or leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com.
P.S. – I Definitely Know I Don’t Like Mom’s Meatloaf
Sometimes kids write in strange places.
Thanks to SKW reader Tina for submitting this awesome piece. She explains:
I found this note while moving. I’ve had that table for about 8 years and never knew it was there!
The unanswered question: Who wrote this?
Based on the sentiment expressed, we can at least narrow it down to only those kids who’ve ever had parents.
I love you but…
Eight-year-old Vivian keeps a notebook in the backseat of her family’s car.
“For emergencies,” she says.
Evidently she had an emergency last week. While stopped at a red light, she handed her mom this note:
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Send us the funny things your kids (or other people’s kids) write. Email a jpeg image to mcfadden.chase@gmail.com or leanneshirtliffe@gmail.com. Pieces can be posted with credit or anonymously, and if you have a personal blog/site you’d like us to link to, we will.
A Dog: Every Kid in the Universe (Including Aliens) Should Have One
Read this manifesto letter and decide for yourself, but we’re pretty sure that 9-year-old Rylan — of Lego portfolio fame — would like to have a dog.
Your sorrowful son? Talk about twisting the canine dagger.
Thanks to Travis and Suzie — Rylan’s heartless parents — for sharing this masterpiece of wanton kid-inflicted parental shame inducement with SKW.
Thou Shalt Not Steal (or I’ll Tell Mom!)
Sometimes, you just have to take a stand against the tyranny of a sister.
And if that doesn’t work, write a note to your mom telling on her.
Thanks to Megan for sharing this detailed incident report from her son.
Hos Your But Crack?
Tracey and her daughter were outside playing.
Tracey fell down and landed on her rear end.
Tracey’s daughter thought it was hysterical.
Later, 5-year-old Hannah wrote a note to check on the status of her mom’s posterior.
Thanks for sharing, Tracey. We hope your but crack is doing bater.
When Your 7-year-old Is As Melodramatic As a Teen
I wrote schmaltzy, over-the-top poetry as a teenager. I still have some of it. Vague notions of what it would be like to be loved by a boy, or at least to find one who wasn’t afraid of me, filled my notebook.
Most of this over-emoting passed in Junior High, thankfully. In Senior High, I seemed to hit my stride (almost literally on the basketball court), replacing many of my obsessive thoughts about boys with other obsessions, like my free throw and turnover percentages.
Now, decades later, I think I’ve passed on my early teen propensity for melodrama to my daughter, Vivian, who frequently expresses all of her emotions in writing. Recently, I annoyed my Grade Two cutie once again. I can’t remember what I wouldn’t do for her (perhaps pack her school bag or let her have a third cheese stick). Suffice it to say I was ignoring her request, like many an online parent.
Snubbed, Vivian threw open her craft drawer, yanked out a sheet of paper, and scrawled her thoughts quickly. She then slammed her note on the table beside me and strode away.
I had come face-to-face with a teenager, possibly my younger self.
I closed my computer and read the note below:
As a parent, not only have I become my mother, but I’ve also become my daughter.
Send help, most likely to Vivian, who’s stuck with me.
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Please help me to interpret Vivian’s usage of “Uh-ta” in the note. Funny responses are welcome.
Holy Gwockomoly! This Birthday Card is Be. A. Utiful.
A card — particularly the homemade variety – can be a gift in and of itself.
Like this one.
MW, my 7-year-old nephew, composed this handcrafted masterpiece for his mom on her birthday. It’s beyond words.
But here are a few anyway:
1. Sydney is the dog. No mention of MW’s younger brother, but he undoubtedly loves his mama, too.
2. Mother and son both have beautiful eyes. True story. Probably genetic.
3. Correctly spelling “beautiful” — twice – is impressive at any age.
4. My sister-in-law really does make the best gwockomoly.
5. Nothing says “happy birthday” like hearts. And bananas.
*****
Thanks to MW’s dad for sharing this beauty, and now it’s your turn.
It’s letters-to-Santa season! We’ve already received several, and we’d love to share your submission with the readers of Stuff Kids Write, as well.
Remember, ’tis the season of giving, and a laugh is an easy gift to give. Plus it requires no wrapping. So send your submission to stuffkidswrite@gmail.com today!
Playing the Guilt Card
This morning, I found this note behind a dresser. I’m not sure when it was written or under what circumstances, but it pretty much cuts to the chase:
Ouch.
I’m about 82% positive my wife didn’t actually say ”I don’t love you” to our 7-year-old son. He came to that conclusion after-the-fact based on some sort of traumatic interaction or event involving his mom. Three possible scenarios:
- A remnant of crust remained on a butter-and-jelly sandwich she had prepared for him.
- At bedtime, she laid in bed with his brother for 15 seconds longer than she did with him.
- She suggested that Yoda’s lightsaber skills are overrated.
Oh no she didn’t!
No, she probably didn’t.
*****
